Why the Honest Friend is the Best Friend

How do you know if your outfit is cute or not? How can you tell if you’re annoying the shit out of a boy you like via text? You know that honest friend you have? She is your answer to everything. If you don’t have an honest best friend, someone to analyze your every shortcoming, then please go make one. Her words may hurt in the beginning, but you learn to love that girl to the moon and back. Personally, I could not be happier to have such brutally honest friends, even if I did learn the hard way. As I got older, I realized there are five significant times when I knew how lucky I was to have a painfully honest best friend. I bet many of you can relate, and if you can’t, look at what you are missing out on.

When you want to cry because you have nothing to wear

Think of all those times you weren’t sure if you looked good or not. A lot, right? I know it is not only me who had one of those nights when I tried on so many outfits that one hour later, it looked like a tornado hit my room. Well, that honest friend will flat out tell you that you are totally clashing right now. She will tell you that your cleavage is so huge that it looks like you should be working a pole. The truth may wound your ego, but the awkward looks you get from people who don’t get why you are wearing that bizarre get up will hurt even more. Ask the honest friend for outfit advice, not the friend who will tell you what you want to hear.

When you’re being needy with boys

She will tell you when that moment comes. “Ugh, he hasn’t called me and it’s been two days.” “Shit I double texted him, what do I do?” “He’s on Facebook, but he isn’t responding to my messages, the fuck?!” You hear that? That’s silence because your honest friend can’t stop rolling her eyes at you. She has already told you to shut the fuck up multiple times, but obviously you are self conscious about this boy you just met, so you keep talking. Eventually, Bitchy LeHonesty will tell you that you need to calm down and she will most likely steal your phone for an hour. Or a day. Rude, right? Nope, she is actually doing you a huge favor. Your mind will not be consumed by thoughts of what this boy is doing every ten seconds. You will be sitting in bed with your phone-stealing friend, watching a Rom Com and drinking bottles of wine until you forget where your phone went and remember how much you love Bitchy LeHonesty.

When it’s time to go to the gym

You know that feeling when (I’m sorry, I’m saying it) you feel fat? What happens when it isn’t a feeling anymore and you actually are… getting fat. Low and behold your honest best friend. She will say it like it is. Obviously she won’t be that bitchy because this is a touchy subject for all of us. But wouldn’t you want to know that the dress you wore two years ago for sure does not fit your ass anymore? This could be the worst thing ever, but if your friend asks you to go to the gym or start a healthy diet with her, she is doing it for YOU. She wants to help you! She told you to stop eating your eighth piece of cake? She said you had too many slices of pizza? Enough is enough, she will say. We aren’t in college anymore and therefore eating a whole pie alone is definitely not a thing to do after drinking enough for a family of six. Listen to her when she says stop! It is better than being stubborn and taking the alternative option: completely ignoring her and becoming that 500 pound lady living with only three cats because you kill your fourth one by sitting on it.

When you’re irritating everyone in close proximity to you

Do you constantly ask if people are mad at you? Do you feel like you have to please people who do nothing for you? What about when you text your girlfriends fourteen times in a row before they finally respond. Holy shit, how bothersome are you? Ms. Speaking Truths will tell you. Sometimes, she will calmly state, “you’re annoying the living shit out of me.” But don’t worry, she will continue and give you pointers on how to be less pathetic. Eventually, you will come to patiently wait after you send the first text instead of panicking that your friend hates you because she hasn’t answered in twenty minutes. Chill out ladies, Honest Sista was taking a nap.

When you’ve had one too many 29th birthdays

Setting the scene: you are out to dinner with your closest friends. It is your 29th birthday. But here’s the catch, it’s actually your third 29th birthday. Pushing it a little, aren’t you? So now we raise our glasses of champagne to toast your birthday and guess who will speak first? Yep! Honesty’s speech will beat everyone else’s. Your honest best friend will say, with a wide smile stretched across her face, “Happy thirty first birthday, babe. We all love you and know you are not in your 20s anymore.” The stab in the heart that you are currently feeling will go away. Don’t worry. It’s okay that you aren’t 29 anymore, you had a good run and your honest friend was there to bring you back to reality.

While your friend may come off as a harsh bitch 85% of the time, she means everything she says 100% out of love. I promise. She will make you a better person even if you don’t realize it now. My advice? ALWAYS listen to the honest friend. Never the flattery one. They have other plans. For themselves. Honesty trumps everything, even having a dose of it for breakfast.