The 5 Instagrammers We Love To Hate
Instagramming has become the most used verb this past year. Seriously, I have officially deemed it a verb. Everyone Instagrams everything. As someone who just switched over to the iPhone, I now realize how tempting it is to fall into this “let me take a pic of this so I can Instagram and get so many ‘likes’!” First of all, my dreams were crushed within the first week of having an iPhone as I never have gotten more than sixty likes (I know, so sad, right?). Anything and anyone and everything seems to be instagrammed these days, but let’s restrain sometimes. Okay? Please? Thanks. The five types of instagrammers that need to take a chill pill with the pic stitch.
We get it. You like to take pictures of your food. Yes, it looks amazing and yes, I wish I could eat that without thinking about how badly I need to go the gym the next day. Now that you have made me feel like no matter what food picture I take it looks like poop on a plate, do you feel satisfied? Great. I bet you didn’t even eat that whole meal. I bet that ice cream wasn’t even for you.
The Cute Dogs
Just like food, we get you have a dog and it’s adorable. In fact, I wish I could steal your dog and have it give me doggie kisses all day long. But would I ever admit that to you? No. Some of the pictures are perfect and acceptable, but others, no. Your dog wearing clothes: abusive. Your dog eating food: dirty. Your dog napping upside down, totally exposed for the world to see: humiliating. That perfect pup of yours has feelings too! We get you have a dog, but people may start to question if the only thing you hang out with is your four pawed friend.
The worst. You’re in Africa and I’m in my bed reading a book. You’re in Hawaii and I’m eating popcorn on my couch, watching a movie alone. You’re freaking skydiving and I’m getting eleven hours of sleep a night. Thank you for sharing your worldly experiences and awesome adventures with those of us who have sat on their asses, doing nothing with their lives except stalking your stupid pictures. And let’s be real: how many filters did you go through to make it look like a brand new picture, not actually the scene you viewed.
Every single Thursday, Instagram becomes an overloadgram. Do you physically search your house for baby pictures? You don’t ask your parents, do you? What is the main point of this? LIKES! Every single Thursday, people do not need to be reminded about what you looked like at a prepubescent age. Odds are you are the only person who thinks that baby picture is cute, and your brace face stage should be burned, not resurfaced. We will survive one Thursday without seeing you topless (scandalous! Nope, you’re 5). We don’t need to see you crying hysterically with a clever hashtag. All babies cried. The world does not need to be reminded. Take a break one Thursday, it might be stress relieving!
The Breaking News
Nothing is worse than finding out something about someone through a picture on Instagram. Engagements, tattoos, breakups, and anything super important—those need to be told or showed to family members in person. It’s a personal thing! Instagram the ring, the tatt, the sad quote all you want, but do it in the future, when this isn’t the most important news in your life right now! Trust me, your parents will thank you later.
Instagramming can be super fun, but let’s be mindful of those who have to scroll through the most torturous and, sometimes, unnecessary pictures.