People We Hate On The Planes
 
            No one is ever in a good mood as they embrace the airport on travel days. There is just so much that can go wrong, so much that can grind your gears, and the worst: so many people that you just don’t want to sit next to on the plane. But you do. If you’re like me, you are always the unlucky person. Always.
 
The Pee-er
If you are fortunate you get an aisle seat. If you are unfortunate, you get an aisle seat with the person in the window seat who has a bladder the size of a peanut. Seriously. They just peed before the plane even takes off and the seat belt sign is now off. It’s been fifteen minutes. They have to pee again. Did they chug a liter of water before they got on this tiny aircraft? Do they have some sort of bladder infection that they did not want to mention before we got on the plane? Do they just like pissing you off? Turns out none of the previous. They just have to pee. A lot. And you have to get up every time they want to use the miniature-sized toilet. Thought you could relax on this flight? Think again.
 
The Mom with the Lap Baby
The baby has no seat. Correction: it’s the mother’s lap. And you get to sit right next to them! Up side, the baby is so cute when it’s not crying. Down side, the baby has not stopped crying. Someone must have really disliked you today.
 
The Farter
It reeks and it’s coming from right next to you. The person pretends like nothing is coming out of their butt as they continue reading the Sky Mall Magazine. You are ready to vomit. Need I say more?
 
The Non Stop Talker
Have you ever taken the 6 am flight? Okay, well here’s the kicker. The 6 am flight with the old lady who won’t stop talking to you. As if you staring out the window isn’t enough of a hint that you currently hate the world for being awake right now, this old lady continues to ask you questions, making small talk about absolutely nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I love old people. Really love. Like maybe a little too much. But when my flight is at the crack of dawn, talking about how cold it is in New York and how I remind her of her granddaughter is just not on my list of things I would like to discuss. Neither is her cat collection. Go away, lady.
 
The Personal Space Invader
You know when you’re really tired and your head keeps bobbing as you try to fall asleep? And then you nod off for a second, but your head jerks and immediately wakes you up. Imagine that happening, only to the person sitting next to you. And that person doesn’t wake up. They fall asleep. On you. ON YOU. Now what? I mean, you have to wake them up because what if they start drooling on your shoulder? But then when you do wake them up, it’s kind of awkward because you may have just ruined a good dream. It’s basically a lose-lose for you, and the rest of the flight is just so uncomfortable. Even if you do have your personal bubble back.

Jamie Rothberg | Writer | Chicago

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